why you should make fun of fat people

with the advent of cultural competency, america has ushered in a new generation with sociological values that are accepting, permissive, and supportive. there is the far-reaching credo of accepting everyone for who everyone is, whether that be whites accepting blacks, heterosexuals accepting homosexuals, the strong accepting the weak, the slim accepting the... not so slim, and so on. in a God fearing community, that's a wondrous step towards societal evolution. "do more for others than you do for yourself". great. however, we have become too accepting in my opinion. it's gotten to the point where you can't even make fun of people for their differences without everyone becoming offended. gays don't want anyone using "gay" pejoratively: it's offensive. blacks don't want anyone using "black" to describe people: it's offensive. people who are seemingly slightly more intelligent than the clinically retarded don't want anyone using the word "retarded." i could go on and on, as i take offense to so many people taking offense, but i want to make a specific point here. it's time we used the offensivity of certain conditions to the benefit of all. this is why you should make fun of fat people.

i've given it much thought and have concluded that there is no defensible position one can take on why we should't make the obese the butts of our jokes, the targets of our teasing, so to speak. the main reason why people look down upon the playfully (or even maliciously) critiquing of fatties is the fear that we'll hurt their feelings. it's not an unjustified fear. inevitably, we will hurt their feelings, and they may become sad (worse case scenario: depressed) or may develop an eating disorder. my response to that is, "so what?" i base this on the premise that it is easier to cure a psychological complex or an eating disorder than it is to cure our nation of obesity. to support my point, let's look at some numbers here. Out of the top ten leading causes of death, 4 of those are obesity related. 3 out of those four are the top three leading causes of death. There is only one psychologically related cause of death in the top 15. this is free information made available by the cdc, fyi. just suffice it to say that we can help, even cure, the depressed and anorexic/bulemic persons. they get better. how many people have you known to be cured of obesity?

then we have economic issues on the table. have you ever wondered why as a nation we're spending more and more on healthcare? it's due in part to our unhealthy population. just listen (or simply read) this: 33% of west virginians are obese, and there are 4 other states with obesity rates greater than 30%. let me take a moment and clarify a couple of concepts for those of you who don't know the difference between overweight and obese. overweight is your friend and/or relative who you think is a little chubby. obese is your other friend/acquaintance/relative who is just flat out fat as hell. statistically speaking, over half the states in america have a population that is over 25% obese. that's 1 out of every 4 people. absurd. there has been a trend over the last 20 years of increasing numbers of fat people. coincidentally there have also been an increasing healthcare costs. thats not to mention the new numbers coming in about people who are normoweight obese (people who are normal weight but have a high enough body fat percentage to be considered fatties). but let's not get too bogged down in mathematics.

getting away from numbers altogether (or maybe not so much), how many times have you waken up next to a girl who you remembered looking like halle berry but now who more closely resembles kelly price (before the lipo)? how many times have you gone out to a club, before you've had enough to drink, and wondered, "where did all these fat girls come from?" how many times have you, by an odd occurrence, just happened to catch glimpse of a girl from the neck up, thinking, "wow, this girl is cute," to then only later see the rest of her and be surprised at how a girl who looked like she was hiding a couple of farm animals in her clothes could have such an attractive head? same question goes for ladies, applied with fat guys of course. so you see, obesity is not only killing everyone, it's even taking a toll on your sex life. it's horrendous. there's only one way to solve it, one way for you ladies to get your fat boyfriends to put down that wendy's triple cheeseburger and force him to satisfy other appetites which he claims to be too tired to fulfill, one way for you guys to ensure that when you're done busting one and rolling over that you don't end up still on top of ol' hog mauls, and that is to ensure fat people know that they're fat. poke fun of them. hell, actually poke them if you have to. make them feel small on the inside so that they'll be inspired to be small on the outside. make fun of fat people. you can, and you should.

america the great

dear friends and acquaintances,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7NUQZiWl6w

this is a link from the young turks that i discovered on a friend of mine's facebook profile. it's recent news. i'm not going to make a short story long, but it depicts the idiocy of one mr. glen back who until recently i didn't even think was an actual person, but just a caricature of some of the uber right-wing personalities that garner such media attention. it's racists such as this personality that make america such a great place.

deeply ashamed,
rod

what's beef?

i'm just going to come out and make this short and simple. i am utterly annoyed at all these herbs out here interjecting "beef" into their everyday vocabulary, most of them not even knowing what the hell beef even signifies. so here it is for all the urban-vernacularly challenged folks out there.

if you and i get into an argument, a very heated argument, and afterwards we both continue on our ways, just grumbling to anyone who'll listen about how much we don't like each other. that's NOT beef. on the other hand, if after that same argument, the next time i see you, i punch you in the face and proceed to stomp you out... THAT'S beef. don't get the two confused. please.

similarly, if you and i get into an argument and fists start to fly, my boy sees and comes to jump in, and we proceed to seriously f-bomb your wold up, causing you to hold a grudge to the extent that you scheme to catch me solo while you have your crew with you so that you can retaliate... THAT'S beef. matter of fact, that's heavy beef.

if i don't like you, you don't like me, and none of our friends get along, such to the point where weapons get involved, people's parents' homes are endangered, innocent bystanders get incidentally victimized in the process of all our "resolving" of our conflict, also including intrigue, espionage and betrayal... then that's dirty beef.

summarily, this establishes that beef is not simply a friendly, or even a not so friendly disagreement, between persons who may (or may not) respect each other. beef equals violence. end of story.

gangsta rap: a non-violent death

for those of us who follow rap closely, and especially for all the extant hip-hop junkies of the world, it has recently come to my attention that several very subtle shifts in the subject matter of mainstream rap have culminated in a redirection of hip hop as we know it. as rappers such as lupe fiasco, kanye west, drake, and kid cudi are more and more successful, it's very interesting to see more traditional "gangsta" rappers such as t.i., lil wayne, and jay-z lean more heavily on their non-gangsta content of their lyrics. interesting. there have always been rappers, successful by other means besides counting the number of units moved, such as the roots and common who were generally very introspective and conciousin their raps, and it seems that is the direction that hip hop has taken today. historically, hip hop was very introspective and more biographical at its inception. looking back at rappers like big daddy kane, rakim, and biz markie, there wasn't the insipid attitude in rap where everyone was claiming to shoot your mother, rape your grandmother, beating "that bitch wit a bat." none of that. rap used to be conscious. one listen to grandmaster flash and the furious five's "the message", and one actually visualizes what it's like to come from the hood. imagine that.

rockin out to jay-z's the blueprint 3, helped me to come to the very apparent realization that gangsta rap is coming to a non-violent death. jay-z is more or less the head hauncho in the rap game, and he doesn't have one gangsta song on the entire album (DOA is probably the hardest song on that joint). this is an album that is brilliant by even jay-z standards. the production is tight, the lyrics are on point, and there is actually a message in most of the songs. be amazed. thinking along those same lines leads me to reflect on t.i.'s last album paper trail: not very gangsta. although, there is some g up in there, the album is very introspective and moves away from the pervasive shoot'em up motif characteristic of his previous albums.

with that being said, hopefully the current trend in hip hop will continue. it would be great to see more innovation in lyrical content and more diverse themes in rap. and don't just take my word for it, take a listen for yourself...

drinking myself obnoxious: highlights

so last night, i went out. i should preface that statement with, yesterday i took my psych shelf, and i what i originally thought would be akin to eating a stack of pancakes à la fork and knife with a nice glass of milk to wash them down, in terms of difficulty here, turned out to be a mental plundering of an orifice i would rather not directly refer to. thus, weighed down with the possibility of getting kicked out of med school for failing exams, i decided to drink myself into a state that i know quite well. it's an altered state of mind in which i have rendered myself (or have been rendered by my fine acquaintance, al) silly, obnoxious, and belligerent. fortunately, red eyed, sharp fanged monster of belligerence did not rear it's ugly head, if i may be so cliché. that does leave silly and obnoxious. honestly, though, i think i was neither more silly nor more obnoxious than i would have been completely sober. the following is more or less a breakdown of the evening.

1) pregame at doc and his wife's place (actual names are excluded for the protection of individuals' identities)
2) wine bar with the roomies (where i tried to convince one of my classmates to hookup with one of my roommates... yeah...)
3) p.t.'s (formerly known as lucy's)

pregaming at doc's is always fun. doc is one of the, if not the, funniest people i've ever met. plus, his wife is really cool. originally, they were supposed to come out with us, but as they had not seen each other for a while, i think they made alternate plans for the evening...

so the wine bar. $5 glasses of wine, and not just the cheap house wine either. i was instantaneously excited from the 1st sip of pinot noir, the closest thing to ambrosia man will ever know. still, i was not just excited because of the wine, no matter how much of an alcoholic many people believe me to be. it was the 1st time in a long time that unc som class of 2011 were getting together and enjoying each other's company. as much as that could happen. it is here where the 1st highlight of the night occurred. there's an attractive (cute face, nice body) classmate of mine who i made a particular effort to talk to, since she generally seems to be one of the more interesting persons in the class of 2011. we were making casual convo, little small-talk, when words happened to steer their way towards the subject of singledom. to my knowledge, she had been single for the duration of our studies thus far, and i inquired if she had any applicants at the moment. she replied no. now, i would be interested in hanging out with this particular classmate, in a more intimate setting, mainly because i had never really sat down and talked with her. as such, i informed her of my interest, invited her to brunch, all in a calm nice-guy type demeanor and vernacular. and what does she do but shut me down with an inglorious rant about how the venue i suggested was horrible. i just walked away, thinking, "no wonder she's still single..." i wasn't really suggesting that she and i date, though that's what she thought. quite frankly, she doesn't quite meet my standards. is it obnoxious that i think that? probably. but hey, that's how i roll. what get's me is that, being polite just doesn't work on women in this world, and that's why "nice guys finish last" (www.laddertheory.com). just to prove my point i went up to two other women, no polite introductions, just minimal convo to gain slight interest and intrusive suggestions that we exchange numbers, and of course, we exchanged numbers. though, i must add that i am a bit charming...

on to p.t.'s. this half of the night was probably the "silly" part. i, in my desperation to close out the night with a great moment in hookup history, tried to take home a porker. preface: i was actually going after the friend, but the original target transferred my aim to her friend (i.e. "the porker"). it was a move commonly known as "game reversal" where one intends to run game on a particular target, but target uses itself as a decoy, transfers the roles, and reverses the direction of the game (i didn't escape the trick... silly). well played, ladies... well played. it was late, and in my mind, i was like "fuck it." it's this particular roll with the punches attitude that exhibits the 2nd highlight of the night. there's a certain threshold of attractiveness over which a guy will have sex with a girl and under which he will not. this line of thought is contiguous with the 2-point (trinary for all you sluts of logic) system. a 0 point girl is one a guy won't do under any circumstances. he could be drunk, high, and a paranoid schizophrenic, still he would refuse to poke. a 1 point girl is one that a guy would readily hookup with but would not admit it to anyone, save maybe his best friend or the dog that he has had for 10 years. 1's are the girls drunken hookup stories are made of. a 2 point girl is one who a guy would bag and pridefully boast about it. it's all about discrimination. alcohol decreases one's capacity to discriminate between 1's and 2's on a conscious level, and so many a 1 are taken home, had fun with, and never spoken to or of again. clearly, the girl from last night was a 1. for reasons beyond my current understanding, i stopped drinking early. ironic, i know, but fate smiled upon me and allowed me to escape the dejection of the 1 morning after...

at the prompting of tunya

so my dear cousin (whom i love very much, by the way) responded to my jocular facebook status "planning on that reup 2nite. not them o's but them hos..." with "Rod, I really don't find this funny. Offensive language is never funny. Some words have double meanings, take for example 'nigga'. It can be used offensively or used by guys to me, 'my boy'. While I'm not advocating the use of the word, I do understand it has a positive connotation. There is no positive meaning for the word 'ho' - derived from the noun 'whore' - anywhere. I still love and respect you, cuz. And, this is a personal perspective. But use of that word has implications for the world's view of women that extend beyond me. With baby girls being murdered at birth at alarming rates in China, and girls being taken in to brothels at as young as 5 years old in south east Asia, I hope that you will reconsider the use and spread of this terminology for women. Even prostitutes should not be called 'ho'." while i don't categorically disagree with her perspective, there are several flaws in the logic of such a statement.

article 1. of course offensive language is funny. it's a scientific fact that if eddie murphy hadn't had his stellar performance in raw, and even subsequently in delirious, standup comedy of today would be quite remiss. eddie murphy has influenced such comedians as chris rock, martin lawrence, dave chappelle, george lopez, and russel peters. eddie murphy himself was influenced by the legends richard pryor and redd foxx, both of whom used notoriously offensive language.

article 2. while it is indeed true that some words have double meanings, many of us have come to accept the word "nigga" (the bigup) as a distinct entity from the word "nigger" (the slur). though phonetically distinct, the two are etymologically equal. "ho" on the other hand has one and only one meaning. ho refers to a morally lax, promiscuous person. it is not an equivocation. there is no double-entendre. there is no mistaking the intent of this word. a whore, however, is a woman who accepts money for sexual favors. whore is also synonymous with prostitute, and in this my cousin is absolutely correct. a prostitute should not be called a ho. now whether or not a ho wants to accept money for her part in partaking of decadence... that's another story altogether.

article 3. female infants being murdered in china (presumably by their parents) goes way beyond the mere use of the term ho. way beyond. so does institution of child sex slavery in SE asia. yes both the murdering of babies in china and forcing children into sex slavery portray the underlying malicious misogyny of society, but their connection with my use of the word ho is quite intangible.

that being said, irreverent comedy is some of the best comedy there is, hands down, and while there remain comedians out there who incorporate offensive language, including but not exclusive to the word "ho", into their routines, i will remain there to laugh. furthermore, by the inherent nature of a ho, the word can not be uttered without its attachment of such a negative connotation, but the word only refers to a person's loose morals and promiscuity, not to the sex of the person.

what'sup buddy?

yeah. one of weirdest encounters tonight. i was out picking up my pizza, walking out of papa john's full of the excitement that i'm exploding with when i know i'm about to crush some papa john's. out of nowhere, a 5'1" extremely drunken woman walks up to me and say's, "you got some money?" as we walk past each other.
so i respond, "nah. i left all my change at home..."
she looks back and says, "oh. nah. i said, 'what'sup, buddy'."
i think to myself, "sure. and i'm the pope's illegitimate sun." although, there's no proof to the contrary, but that's another matter altogether.
then, as i'm walking off, she cries out, "hey, hey! wait a minute," as she's holding her hand out for dap, i turn around, and we approach each other. dap. then she looks down at my arms (exposed because of my wearing the wife-beat). "damn. you play football. don't you?" (rhetorical question).
as i'm responding with a negative, she leans in a lays her head on my chest... ?!?