dysphoria

dysphoria can be defined as a negative or aversive emotional state, and right now i'm feeling quite a bit of negativity and aversion. as i sit here, in a pulmonary hypertension lecture, i contemplate how i've already heard all the information given in this lecture at least twice before, and that's just for this block (respiratory disease). with so many time constraints imposed upon us by the school of medicine, one must wonder, "why in the hell are we going over this material for the 3rd time?" is it because of poor coordination of course materials? check. is it because they're trying to pound this information into our heads? also, check. then why is it that some lectures, with immensely more complex material, bombard us, students, with 2-2.5 hours worth of material squeezed into a 50 minute lecture, and we only see that material once? who the hell knows. not too mention that it's about 80 something degrees in this lecture hall. hot and humid. my nostrils are stopped up as we speak, and it would be quite the social/professional faux pas, if i were to step out and not return. hell, i breath of fresh air would be so welcome right now, and cool crisp air is only a few steps away...

and that's just one part. i've gotten to the point that i usually get to where i start to despise all the people i've previously been ambivalent about. let me preface that statement with a description of how i generally view people. when i meet someone, i usually place them into one of the following categories "i like that person" or "i'm ambivalent." most people are filed under the latter. rare is the day when i meet someone whom i immediately i decide that i don't like. still, over time people can be moved from one category to another. if moved into the "i don't like" category i generally try to avoid that person. however, being stuck in a room full of people for hours on end every day it's kind of hard to avoid seeing a person i don't like. not that seeing the person per se is bad, just the thoughts engendered. example: yesterday i'm in class, and i make a couple of comments about Chyna (born Joan Marie Laurer, former WWE superstar), and one of the chicks in the class, presumably she's chinese, goes and says, "i'm getting offended..." at which point everyone looks at her like she's an idiot. 1st of all, how do you get a person's name confused with a reference to a country? idiot. do you ever hear parisiens getting offended at the mention of paris hilton's name? and secondly, how are you getting offended? either you are or you aren't. i despise dumbasses with a passion. they make me want to commit physical acts of violence...

all of that on top of having to deal with a delusional ex gf who can't seem to get past the sad (or not so sad) fact that our relationship is over. not even going to get into that...

thank goodness the lecture just ended.