drinking myself obnoxious: highlights

so last night, i went out. i should preface that statement with, yesterday i took my psych shelf, and i what i originally thought would be akin to eating a stack of pancakes à la fork and knife with a nice glass of milk to wash them down, in terms of difficulty here, turned out to be a mental plundering of an orifice i would rather not directly refer to. thus, weighed down with the possibility of getting kicked out of med school for failing exams, i decided to drink myself into a state that i know quite well. it's an altered state of mind in which i have rendered myself (or have been rendered by my fine acquaintance, al) silly, obnoxious, and belligerent. fortunately, red eyed, sharp fanged monster of belligerence did not rear it's ugly head, if i may be so cliché. that does leave silly and obnoxious. honestly, though, i think i was neither more silly nor more obnoxious than i would have been completely sober. the following is more or less a breakdown of the evening.

1) pregame at doc and his wife's place (actual names are excluded for the protection of individuals' identities)
2) wine bar with the roomies (where i tried to convince one of my classmates to hookup with one of my roommates... yeah...)
3) p.t.'s (formerly known as lucy's)

pregaming at doc's is always fun. doc is one of the, if not the, funniest people i've ever met. plus, his wife is really cool. originally, they were supposed to come out with us, but as they had not seen each other for a while, i think they made alternate plans for the evening...

so the wine bar. $5 glasses of wine, and not just the cheap house wine either. i was instantaneously excited from the 1st sip of pinot noir, the closest thing to ambrosia man will ever know. still, i was not just excited because of the wine, no matter how much of an alcoholic many people believe me to be. it was the 1st time in a long time that unc som class of 2011 were getting together and enjoying each other's company. as much as that could happen. it is here where the 1st highlight of the night occurred. there's an attractive (cute face, nice body) classmate of mine who i made a particular effort to talk to, since she generally seems to be one of the more interesting persons in the class of 2011. we were making casual convo, little small-talk, when words happened to steer their way towards the subject of singledom. to my knowledge, she had been single for the duration of our studies thus far, and i inquired if she had any applicants at the moment. she replied no. now, i would be interested in hanging out with this particular classmate, in a more intimate setting, mainly because i had never really sat down and talked with her. as such, i informed her of my interest, invited her to brunch, all in a calm nice-guy type demeanor and vernacular. and what does she do but shut me down with an inglorious rant about how the venue i suggested was horrible. i just walked away, thinking, "no wonder she's still single..." i wasn't really suggesting that she and i date, though that's what she thought. quite frankly, she doesn't quite meet my standards. is it obnoxious that i think that? probably. but hey, that's how i roll. what get's me is that, being polite just doesn't work on women in this world, and that's why "nice guys finish last" (www.laddertheory.com). just to prove my point i went up to two other women, no polite introductions, just minimal convo to gain slight interest and intrusive suggestions that we exchange numbers, and of course, we exchanged numbers. though, i must add that i am a bit charming...

on to p.t.'s. this half of the night was probably the "silly" part. i, in my desperation to close out the night with a great moment in hookup history, tried to take home a porker. preface: i was actually going after the friend, but the original target transferred my aim to her friend (i.e. "the porker"). it was a move commonly known as "game reversal" where one intends to run game on a particular target, but target uses itself as a decoy, transfers the roles, and reverses the direction of the game (i didn't escape the trick... silly). well played, ladies... well played. it was late, and in my mind, i was like "fuck it." it's this particular roll with the punches attitude that exhibits the 2nd highlight of the night. there's a certain threshold of attractiveness over which a guy will have sex with a girl and under which he will not. this line of thought is contiguous with the 2-point (trinary for all you sluts of logic) system. a 0 point girl is one a guy won't do under any circumstances. he could be drunk, high, and a paranoid schizophrenic, still he would refuse to poke. a 1 point girl is one that a guy would readily hookup with but would not admit it to anyone, save maybe his best friend or the dog that he has had for 10 years. 1's are the girls drunken hookup stories are made of. a 2 point girl is one who a guy would bag and pridefully boast about it. it's all about discrimination. alcohol decreases one's capacity to discriminate between 1's and 2's on a conscious level, and so many a 1 are taken home, had fun with, and never spoken to or of again. clearly, the girl from last night was a 1. for reasons beyond my current understanding, i stopped drinking early. ironic, i know, but fate smiled upon me and allowed me to escape the dejection of the 1 morning after...

at the prompting of tunya

so my dear cousin (whom i love very much, by the way) responded to my jocular facebook status "planning on that reup 2nite. not them o's but them hos..." with "Rod, I really don't find this funny. Offensive language is never funny. Some words have double meanings, take for example 'nigga'. It can be used offensively or used by guys to me, 'my boy'. While I'm not advocating the use of the word, I do understand it has a positive connotation. There is no positive meaning for the word 'ho' - derived from the noun 'whore' - anywhere. I still love and respect you, cuz. And, this is a personal perspective. But use of that word has implications for the world's view of women that extend beyond me. With baby girls being murdered at birth at alarming rates in China, and girls being taken in to brothels at as young as 5 years old in south east Asia, I hope that you will reconsider the use and spread of this terminology for women. Even prostitutes should not be called 'ho'." while i don't categorically disagree with her perspective, there are several flaws in the logic of such a statement.

article 1. of course offensive language is funny. it's a scientific fact that if eddie murphy hadn't had his stellar performance in raw, and even subsequently in delirious, standup comedy of today would be quite remiss. eddie murphy has influenced such comedians as chris rock, martin lawrence, dave chappelle, george lopez, and russel peters. eddie murphy himself was influenced by the legends richard pryor and redd foxx, both of whom used notoriously offensive language.

article 2. while it is indeed true that some words have double meanings, many of us have come to accept the word "nigga" (the bigup) as a distinct entity from the word "nigger" (the slur). though phonetically distinct, the two are etymologically equal. "ho" on the other hand has one and only one meaning. ho refers to a morally lax, promiscuous person. it is not an equivocation. there is no double-entendre. there is no mistaking the intent of this word. a whore, however, is a woman who accepts money for sexual favors. whore is also synonymous with prostitute, and in this my cousin is absolutely correct. a prostitute should not be called a ho. now whether or not a ho wants to accept money for her part in partaking of decadence... that's another story altogether.

article 3. female infants being murdered in china (presumably by their parents) goes way beyond the mere use of the term ho. way beyond. so does institution of child sex slavery in SE asia. yes both the murdering of babies in china and forcing children into sex slavery portray the underlying malicious misogyny of society, but their connection with my use of the word ho is quite intangible.

that being said, irreverent comedy is some of the best comedy there is, hands down, and while there remain comedians out there who incorporate offensive language, including but not exclusive to the word "ho", into their routines, i will remain there to laugh. furthermore, by the inherent nature of a ho, the word can not be uttered without its attachment of such a negative connotation, but the word only refers to a person's loose morals and promiscuity, not to the sex of the person.

what'sup buddy?

yeah. one of weirdest encounters tonight. i was out picking up my pizza, walking out of papa john's full of the excitement that i'm exploding with when i know i'm about to crush some papa john's. out of nowhere, a 5'1" extremely drunken woman walks up to me and say's, "you got some money?" as we walk past each other.
so i respond, "nah. i left all my change at home..."
she looks back and says, "oh. nah. i said, 'what'sup, buddy'."
i think to myself, "sure. and i'm the pope's illegitimate sun." although, there's no proof to the contrary, but that's another matter altogether.
then, as i'm walking off, she cries out, "hey, hey! wait a minute," as she's holding her hand out for dap, i turn around, and we approach each other. dap. then she looks down at my arms (exposed because of my wearing the wife-beat). "damn. you play football. don't you?" (rhetorical question).
as i'm responding with a negative, she leans in a lays her head on my chest... ?!?